A Medical Update, a Vent and a Huge Thank You

A Medical Update, a Vent and a Huge Thank You

Today was a rough one. I spent most of my day on the phone with a.) my nurse care manager from my insurance company, b.) two different hospital schedulers, and c.) my oncologist’s assistant. Then I had to reshuffle previous appointments I had made as a caregiver to accommodate my own crazy calendar of tests. Aside from the exhaustion of being on the phone all day in front of my calendar, or taking notes on how to make sure that I access care in a way that the insurance company allows, I think the hardest thing was dealing with the reality of my situation.  I mean…I have cancer (for now), and that brings on a boatload of other issues to be addressed all before Tuesday:  Brain MRI, CT scans of chest, abdomen, and pelvic cavities, echocardiogram, blood test, and the port catheterization. This crap just got real. I also will be referred to a gynecological oncologist who will want to take my ovaries thanks to the BRCA1 gene.

I’d like to opt out of all this right now. But I can’t. But I want to. But I can’t. I’m sad that I won’t be able to lift my arm to braid my daughter’s hair for the homecoming dance (we’ll work it out). I’m sad that my husband has to use so much of his vacation time to be a second set of ears at appointments. I’m sad that my son feels hesitant to tell me that he has an upset stomach because he thinks it pales in comparison to what I will be going through. I’m sad that my focus was not 100% on my swimmers the whole time at their meet today because I had to field a couple of phone calls from the doctor’s office.

Despite that, I am so thankful for your prayers and well wishes. So many of you have sent kind words to let me know that you’re there. Please don’t take my lack of response as a lack of appreciation. I read every single one, and though I can’t respond to all of the comments, you all have made me smile, tear up, laugh, and feel an overwhelming sense that I’m not alone. Thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. Friends far and near, old and new, known and unknown, I truly, deeply appreciate you!


16 Replies to “A Medical Update, a Vent and a Huge Thank You”

  1. You are loved Yolanda! You are loved by so many and most of all, by our King. He will not leave you during this as you have never left Him. Praying for healing, peace and rest for you!

  2. I’m sad that you are sad. You are doing a whale of a job taking care of all the annoying and time consuming technicalities required of you. When it all gets too overwhelming stop for a second, take a deep breath, cast your cares on our Father, close your eyes and visualize Lani and Hannah dining on yummy cat food. Love you!

  3. Emotions bring us through our trials and your sadness is an indication of your spiritual growth. I am sad because I am not physically with you, but spiritually, I feel your presence. As a family, we have overcome many challenges and moved forward sometimes with joy and others with weeping. I can’t braid hair but if I were with you, I would certainly try to braid Nina’s hair. Love you much. Auntie Ollie

  4. Hello Yolanda. You and your family are in my prayers. All of you are affected by this diagnosis. It is happening to your body yet it gets into the fiber of everyone in your family as they would do anything to protect you from pain and sorrow. It is also a head trip to be labeled as having “cancer”. Strength for this journey comes from those who surround you with love and prayer. Courage comes from crawling up into the lap of Jesus and asking him to hold you close. It is so important that your husband hear what doctors say at these appointments as it is also his journey. He would rather be at your side no matter where you are. I share this song with you Mandisa- Overcomer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8VoUYtx0kw.

  5. My Mom always had a little box with verses in it. Today I keep it on my work desk. The verse that I pulled this morning says: “For I am your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you”. He’s holding your hand Yolanda. Take comfort. Praying.

  6. praying for the peace that passes all understanding, knowing that it will guard your heart during this time of trials. Sending prayers, love, and hugs from Kansas!!

  7. Although I can’t even imagine what your going through, one day you’ll look back at all these bad memories and you’ll say “look what I did, just look! I faced the dragon, though reluctantly, but I did it and I slayed it! Yes I did that” I know because I have been through one of those nightmares. Now I look back in wonder! Not at the illness but at the people that I met along the way. Who would think that during times like this you’ll be making lifelong friends and good memories, but you will. It won’t be all good but it won’t be all bad either. Word of advice; when someone offers help take it. It’s not charity and if that’s what you think then get over yourself. It does as much for the giver as it does for receiver. It’s a healing for the people who feels helpless and worried. Let them help, it occupies their mind and calms their fears. Let them help!! Soon this will all be behind you. Love, hugs and kisses.

  8. Hi Yolanda,
    Thank you for making your journey so transparent. It helps me know how to pray for you and your family.
    I miss seeing you at church. We’ve never met, but I always enjoy seeing you .
    My husband and I are praying for you.

  9. Praying for you and thanking you for your blog to remind me of my own treatments . Because cancer treatments can have some disgusting side effects I pray yours are minimal. You are a wonderful child of God and you have much more purpose on this earth! Bless you Yolanda!

  10. The Lance Armstrong Foundation states that cancer survivorship starts at diagnosis. Therefore from this day forward you are a cancer survivor and that is something you won’t opt out of.
    Call me if you need me and see you soon.

  11. Love you and praying for strength and emotional stability. You are one of the most focused and strongest people I know.
    Love and kisses from Texas,

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